If I Were a Carpenter

If I were a carpenter

And you were a lady

Would you marry me anyway

Would you have my baby?

If I were an accountant

And you were an MP

I would add up your figures

And be amazed at your fiscal policy

If you were a fire officer

And I were a clown

And I had climbed a wonky tower of mirth

Would you help me down?

If I was a referee

And you were a Chelsea Chick

I’d never whistle you offside

And I’d award you a free kick

If I were a sailor

And you were the ocean blue

I’d dive into the water

And grow fins for you

If I was an Arctic explorer

And you were a painter

I’d build you an igloo

And we’d brave the long winter

I were a firework

Would your oohs!!!  be so loud

As I burst in the night sky

You would drown out the crowd

If I were a lady

And you were a carpenter

Would you carve me a necklace

With your heart in the centre?